Review: Castlevania: Lords of Shadow

The Castlevania series makes its long awaited next-gen debut, but is it the vampire killer we were hoping for?

Developer: MercurySteam
Publisher: Microsoft Game Studios
Platforms: X360/PS3 

A friend of mine asked me, prior to writing this review, to describe Konami’s recent reboot of Castlevania to him in five words or less. Initially, I wondered why he chose the number five, as I normally ask people to describe things using but one word, but, being the maverick I am, I indulged his bizarre conundrum and provided this thoughtful response:

“The game sucks donkey balls.”

That was my short answer and I stood by it. Though my cohort’s expression was certainly quizzical, he didn’t feel the need to press the matter further and we went on our merry way, discussing something that was probably ridiculous and equally unimportant. For the sake of this review, however, I must be very, very clear about this ball sucking assertion, justifying, objectively for you, dear reader, just why you want to steer clear of this rape, er, I mean reboot of a beloved franchise. Let’s start at the very beginning…

There was a time, long ago, where I was actually stoked to play this new variation of Castlevania. Seeing all those amazing press releases made me drool uncontrollably, watching footage of the game in action made me giggle with sheer delight and holding the collectors edition box in my hand made my loins tingle with excitement (not really, but I had nowhere else to go with this). Suffice to say, I was pumped, primed and ready to whoop some serious gothic ass Castlevania style and nothing was going to stand in my way. NOTHING.

After placing the disc in my Xbox and starting it up, I was met with visuals and sound that tantalized my gaming taste buds and only served to whet my palate. Honestly, when push comes to shove, you’re never going to hear me complain about the sound OR the visuals, apart from the camera, which we’ll get too later. The presentation is absolutely stunning, with gorgeous vistas and amazing backgrounds against which our protagonist, Gabriel, would impart his own brand of “Belmont Beatdowns”. Seriously, if you don’t start salivating like one of Pavlov’s pooches at the sight of these graphics, you’re probably not someone who appreciates art. Or maybe dogs. Or drooling for no apparent reason. No matter what the case, however, one thing is clear – I simply can’t fault the game for being too beautiful, which is clearly is (from a visual standpoint).

Musically, the score is equally brilliant, albeit repetitive. However, fans of Castlevania may feel bummed over the fact that the entire musical presentation is orchestral only. Past games in the series are well known for their rocking soundtracks, featuring heavy bass and crazed guitar laden melodies, but this reboot makes due with a sweeping musical score that is far more violin and piano heavy – which is no bad thing, just different.

So where were we? Ah, yes. Finally given the opportunity to play the game, I thrust myself into this new found Gothic world in the hopes that this reboot would capture the essence of Castlevania, that my memories of previous 3D iterations of the series would be wiped from my memory and be replaced with something that was so amazing, so incredibly well produced, that I would simply bask in it’s glory for years to come. However, that didn’t happen and for several good reasons:

1. The gameplay is incredibly flat. Let’s face it, you’re given the chance to purchase oodles of different combinations, but most of them are ineffective and completely unnecessary. Couple that with the fact that most super strong combos can be undone by a strike from even the weakest of creatures, and you’ve got a combination system that simply blows chunks (chunks is my dog). It’s very unsatisfying and grows very, very tedious after about five hours, which is not good when the game can take up to twenty to get through.

2. The camera is fixed. I tend to dislike fixed camera systems and there isn’t one game in recent memory (or past memory) that has ever truly done it’s job well. Some games can make it work in most ways, but never to the point of it being 100% workable. Castlevania: Lords of Shadow, however, seeks to up the ante by adding all kinds of jumps and movements that require you to CHANGE DIRECTION DURING A CAMERA ANGLE CHANGE. Add the fact that there is a controller delay each and every time you change sections, thus requiring you to remove your finger from the thumb stick to reset yourself and you’ve got a camera that does nothing to help the game – period.

3. Level design that is more “chore” than “game”. Some of the levels are very inspired and feel very much like Castlevania, but for the most part, at least the last several stages or so, seem tacked on and are dreadfully dull to play through. If it weren’t for the process of advancing the storyline, I doubt that I’d have even played the game further, because a game that feels like work IS work and that’s not fun to me. And items that require you to go back and play levels a second time to get? Yeah, THAT’S not forcing players to go through levels that are tedious for no apparent reason! Seriously, I have no problem with finding hidden items, but having to revisit almost every level in the game in order to procure items is really pushing it and it’s a cheap move that extends the life of the game by coercing the gamer to attain items they SHOULD have gotten the first time through. Seriously, how asinine.

Those are just a few of the problems I have, but they are the crux of where the game goes hideously wrong. I’m sorry, but it’s very difficult to objectively look at the issues here and turn away for the sake of a good story, which the game does feature. In fact, it’s one of the game’s selling points, bar none. The voice acting, as well, only makes the story that much better, though having to hear Patrick Stewart’s somewhat over dramatic performances is a bit of a buzz kill. Regardless, after playing through the entire game, I can only say that I’m glad to be done with it and will more than likely not revisit it.

One issue that people have seem to taken issue with that I do want to address, is how similar it is to other games, most notably God of War. Here’s the thing, I don’t disagree with this statement, but I don’t think it’s necessary to bring it up, because almost every game is a carbon copy of another. Look at every first person shooter on the market! You want to talk about one trick ponies? Medal of Honor, Call of Duty, Killzone, Halo, Goldeneye, Timesplitters – all cut from the same basic template. However, they all differ in terms of subtle game play tweaks and, most importantly, presentation and story, which is exactly what Castlevania does. While it doesn’t really break new ground (honestly, can we stop incorporating QTE in every game?), it does what it’s supposed to do – let gamers whip ass.

However, where I become a bit cross is when I look at how it apes Shadow of the Colossus. In Castlevania, you’ll battle giant “Titans”, defeating them only as you scale their ridiculously large frames, searching for vulnerable rune points that allow you to inflict damage? Sound familiar? It should, as, really, only one other game has ever attempted anything like this – Shadow of the Colossus. Seriously, you really can’t take something as original as Shadow and rip it off – badly, I might add – without someone saying something about it! Shadow was a wholly original design, something that had, up until it’s release, never been done. Yet Castlevania attempts to reimagine the concepts seen in Shadow with unabashed furor – but it fails badly when fully presented. I’m sorry, the control, the design – it can’t even come close to being what Shadow was and, even if viewed independently of it’s source material, is still shoddy in most respects.

One of the biggest questions on the tongues of people looking at this reboot is:

“Does this game really feel like “Castlevania”?”

After playing through the entire game, I can honestly say that no, no it does not. It feels like an action adventure game that didn’t know what it wanted to be and ultimately tacked on a Castlevania name, along with a few cutest references to past games in the series, without ever once truly relating to the franchise on which it is based. You can call the main character a Belmont, you can add a gothic theme and mythical creatures to the series, you can add traditional weaponry, but the fact of the matter is that none of these additions make the game a Castlevania, period. I loved it at the beginning, but it rapidly fell apart on me. In short, it’s one of the biggest disappointments I’ve played through this year.

 By: Pete Sellers